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Joke of the Day

"[in bed] ""No, I'm serious Amy. If this were a buddy cop movie would you try to avenge my murder even after the Chief took your gun & badge?"""

"My doctor wrote a prescription for dailysex. But my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia."

"What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe."

"My life is just like Rihanna's new song. Work work work work work and the rest I can't really understand!"

"What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker? Don't poop where you scoop."

"*walks up to attractive person* I noticed u were eating. U wont believe this but I ALSO enjoy eating. We should get food or married sometime"

"math problem that didn't stump the internet 2 girls 1 cup"

"What does modern horror films and the 2000 presidential election have in common? It's Al Gore"

"I'd like to thank my boyfriend for translating ""mucho"" for me It means a lot"

"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes... That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away AND have his shoes!"