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Joke of the Day

"Secret To Comedy Guy 1: Hey! Ask me ""What is is the secret to comedy?"" Guy 2: Okay ... What is the sec- Guy 1: TIMING!!! sorry if it sucks"

"When the grid crashes and there's no other way of communicating, we'll see whose drum circle is ""stupid""."

"Garbanzo beans vs chickpeas I used to to not know the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea. But last night I definitely didn't have a garbanzo on my face."

"The Secret Service has come up with a new plan for protecting our president-elect. In the event of an armed attack, they will yell ""Donald, duck!"""

"Where assholes go to die The cheap toilet paper section."

"What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi"

"The greatest trick the devil ever played was offering a buy one get one free sale one day after you already purchased two at regular price."

"*puts hand on your knee *slowly moves up your thigh *runs over your hip *drags finger up your stomach *grabs remote *changes channel"

"What did the rude prism say to the beam of light that smacked into him? Get bent!"

"What is it called when you dream in color? A chromatose"