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Joke of the Day

"I had the dream again, the one where I show up to a standardized test with a no.3 pencil."

"The Earth is roughly 70% water and 30% haters"

"If I had a million dollars for every time I looked at the negative side of things, I'd have way too many god damn taxes to pay."

"What do Hillbillies do for Halloween? Pump-Kin"

"I ran into my ex today. Long story short, my car is totaled."

"How Long's A Chinese Penis? Yes"

"Who.. Plays The Guitar.. Boy: How Do i play the guitar ??? Girls: You Should be on TV for your talent. Boy: Am i so good ??..... Boy : if you were on TV, i can atleast switch it off..."

"What do you call the blood that comes out when teenagers cut themselves? Emoglobin."

"My father could have the original copy of the Declaration of Independence on the counter, and still make a meatball sandwich over top of it."

"What the difference between a ISIS member and a child? I don't know, I just fly the drones."