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Joke of the Day

"They put babies on packages of toilet paper because that's what we used to wipe with before scientists discovered they grow up into people"

"What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine? The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine."

"So a proctologist is examining a patient. He pulls an anal thermometer out of his coat to make some notes. Looks at it and says ""Damnit some asshole has my pen!"""

"Yo momma's so dense she has an accretion disk I'm so sorry..."

"""It's MY way, or that other way!"" -Ultimatums before the invention of the highway"

"Sorry, I can't go. My uncle's cousin's sister in law's best friend's insurance agent's roommate's pet goldfish died. Maybe next time? :)"

"Two cows were talking in a field.. One said to the other, ""Have you heard about that mad cow disease?"" The other says, ""Yeah, good thing we're penguins""."

"The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... It was tense."

"I can touch every animal's toes except the camel's. Doing that gets me arrested."

"[NSFW] I think I might be gay... ...Every time I touch my dick I get hard"