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Joke of the Day

"I went to a disco last night... (mildly NSFW) They played The Twist, so I did the twist. They played Jump, so I jumped. They played Come on Eileen I got kicked out."

"What's the difference between a black person and Christmas lights? Nothing. They both look good hanging from trees."

"I have nothing against gynecologists... I just don't like them in genital."

"Sometimes, I wake up grumpy... But usually I let him sleep."

"What did the beach boys play at their reunion show? Wouldn't it be nice if we were younger."

"ME: *angrily dragging wife thru the mall* Maybe THIS jewelry store will have one. HER: I don't think you get what a tornado watch is."

"WIFE: We'd have less arguments if he wasn't so pedantic THERAPIST [to me] Is that right? ME: No. It should be fewer arguments"

"My local movie theater was robbed of $200 last night. They stole a tub of popcorn, two sodas and a box of Milk Duds."

"Ovens You hear? Germany is now coming out with a new line of ovens...4 seaters and 6 seaters"

"Do you know the difference between mono and herpes? You get mono from snatching a kiss, but you get herpes from kissing a snatch."