41999
Joke of the Day
"Damn girl, is your dad in jail? Cuz if I was your dad, I'd be in jail."
Next Joke
"I'd love to get myself a job inspecting mirrors! I could really see myself doing that."
"How long does an owl live? Six and a half books."
"A little boy came running into the kitchen. 'Dad dad' he said 'there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face' 'Tell him you've already got one' said his father !"
"Wife: We don't have anything planned today... Me: Cool! Wife: ...so I was thinking we should... Me: (dammit)"
"What do math teachers grow? Geometrees and trigonometrees"
"What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland? A consonant."
"Two fish in a tank... ...one turns to the other and says, ""how do you drive this thing?"""
"If this tweet gets 5 retweets, I will threaten a public official on Facebook."
"Was gonna buy a new car but got my groceries for the week at Whole Foods instead"