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Joke of the Day

"I used to be a police officer... A guy came up to me when I was patrolling a street and asked if he could urinate between my wrist and elbow. I said ""Not on my watch."""

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"Did you hear the story of the Rabbi who lifted his synagogue into the air with a bunch of balloons? He brew up."
"Where do animals go when their tails falls off? The retail store"
"What do the mafia and a vagina have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit."
"How do landscapers keep their seams from ripping? Well let me tell you; They don't beat around the bush! They nip it in the bud and use Hem-Lock!"
"Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was out standing in his field...."
"My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I'm proud of him, I doubt he'll make a lot of sales in the backyard."
"Honey I Shrunk The Kids And Then I Shrunk The Lawnmower And They Are Riding It Around My Head And Giving Me A Haircut It Is Awesome"
"What do songwriters do after they die? They decompose"
"I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it."