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Joke of the Day

"They agree I'm funny I started my new job at the retirement center today. Told the residents that I'm a really funny guy. They didn't understand any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves."

Next Joke
 
"What's faster hot or cold? Hot! Because anyone can catch a cold! buh duh tsst"
"I really gotta quit drinking. Last night I got so wasted I blew chunks for hours... Chunks is my 4 year old bulldog."
"ASIAN KIDS: Do they make you ride through the X-ray machine at the airport since your minds are basically computers?"
"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a homicidal rapist."
"DATING IN THE 1800s 1) Get telegram from Mae 2) Wait to respond. Don't be desperate 3) Get telegram that Mae died of dysentery while waiting"
"Why do men prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company"
"What do Mexicans say on their first day in America? Jose can you see, by the dawn's early light..."
"One day I'm gonna go to work without my glasses and they're gonna be like, ""Who's that hottie?"" and I'm gonna be like, ""WHO IS SAYING THAT?"""
"Arnold Schwarzenegger glancing up excitedly and then looking away disappointedly multiple times while watching the intro to ""Hey Arnold"""