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Joke of the Day

"3. The number of times you can flip a grilled cheese sandwich before you notice that you have the pan on the wrong burner...cuz of Twitter."

"Why don't ghosts make good magicians. You can see right through their tricks."

"What is in common between a napkin and a person? If you sleep with a person, he/she is ur nap-kin."

"Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don't worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about"

"My daughter: Do you want a kiss daddy? Me: Of course. My daughter: Does it make you sad that no other girls want to kiss you? Me: Thanks."

"Once my gym teacher told me ""you are what you eat."" I Immediately replied ""you callin' me a pussy?"""

"Today should be called bridge day.. 'Cause I'm over it"

"A black mom has six kids all named Leroy. She tells them apart by their different last names."

"Dams. The only thing that holds back liquid better... Is the idea of using a port-a-potty. ""Look, I know my pants are brownening and getting wet, but I'll just wait forever -- I CANNOT go in there."""

"Me: How was the party last night? 17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What??? 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl."