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Joke of the Day

"I dropped french class because my teach was a dick... I was late on the first day and he said i was a retard."

"Cell references in excel are like gold diggers. If you want them to stay in the same place you have to throw some money at them."

"*yells from space* Did you kill that spider?!"

"Girlfriends are like puppies... They start out wanting to cuddle and kiss your face, but soon grow into a bitch."

"A squirrel found big nuts to stock up in its tree. Now i have a empty nutsack and a burning tree."

"I genuinely want Trump to become the President. I've always wanted to see a president assassinated!"

"Have you heard about the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? Every time somebody goes in a bathroom and locks the door, you take four shots."

"I didn't know what to wear to my Premature Ejaculation Society meeting... So I just came in my pants."

"the only exercise this month ive done is running out of money"

"Why should the lower 48 states be the lower 46? Because Washington and Colorado aren't low, they're quite high!"