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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when I throw up I like to pretend the toilet is a baby bird and you're not even reading this anymore are you."

"You can't tell me I neglect my children. Nobody else knows where they are either."

"Two fish swim into a concrete wall... The one fish turns to the other and says, ""Dam."""

"What do you call a camel with no humps??? Humphrey"

"Two peanuts walking down the street... one gets *assaulted*."

"How many /r/news mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know, but it only takes one to get it [removed]"

"I told my boss I couldn't come into work because my anal glaucoma was acting up. I just couldn't see my ass there."

"Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey. Johnny said with confidence ""the desk""."

"How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars."

"9*picking his nose* wife:Get your finger out of your nose! me [alone in the bedroom] *takes finger out of nose* *whispers* How did she know?"