41334

Joke of the Day

"I heard that there was some beef with Dreamworks after making the 3rd Shrek Movie... It's all ogre now."

"If your problem can't be solved by me saying ""that's messed up"" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn't come to me for help"

"Coworker: That's a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!"

"Why didn't the lesbian cross the road? She didn't have the balls to do it"

"I used to think it was no big deal that my gums bled whenever I flossed, but I talked to my dentist about it and she said that it can actually be a bad sign. So now I never floss."

"My wife has a colostomy I get a little action on the side"

"How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper."

"Me: Excuse me sir, what's your Wi-Fi password? Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily] THIS IS A FUNERAL Me: *[Types in] THIS IS A FUNERAL"

"What do cows that are stoners say? 420 graze it"

"What do you call a botched circumcision? A total rip-off."