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Joke of the Day
"My wife told me that she needs time and distance... ...because she's calculating velocity."
Next Joke
"Wanted to do something patriotic today so I bought a gun and fifty Big Macs."
"How many calories do you get from eating pussy? Depends on which direction she wipes..."
"Other silverware probably hates the large spoon that wears skinny jeans, Keds, and thick rimmed glasses. Nobody likes a hipstirrer."
"Good news: He told me I was his penguin. Bad news: Penguins only have sex once a year."
"Why did the Chicken come to /r/jokes? [To be buried](http://www.reddit.com/r/antiantiantijokes/comments/3bccyc/the_chicken_sat_far_from_the_road_considering_its/)"
"Yo mama so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!"
"How does Lady Gaga like her meat? Raw Raw Rawhahaha..."
"New horizons takes picture of Pluto. What does Pluto say? ""ewww delete it"""
"I'm not surprised you had a facelift..but it looks like you are."