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Joke of the Day

"(Q)...... What was the difference between Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky's dry-cleaners? (A)...... Clinton wouldn't come clean."

"Txt my wife to ask if the gardener came & how 5yo's 1st day of school was. She txt back ""He's naked on the couch"". I'm afraid to ask who.."

"FARMER: [when the protractor he ordered online finally gets delivered] this isn't what i wanted at all"

"What do you call a computerized rock band? ASCII/DSCII"

"I wonder what gets changed less frequently...the diaper of a crackhead's baby or the filter cartridge in my Brita."

"THEM: I have a story about that person. Someday when I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you. ME: [pulls bottle of wine from purse] Let's do this."

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!"

"What is the speed limit for sex? 68 . Because at 69 you flip over and eat it."

"Definition of circlejerk circlejerk: What comes around goes around."

"Q: What did the ruler gain a reputation for while campaigning? A: Straight talk."