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Joke of the Day
"Why do hitman always wear gloves? because theyre always wacking guys off...."
Next Joke
"[high seas] FIRST MATE: The men be ready to attack PIRATE: Arr! FIRST MATE: Oh sorry...the men ""are"" ready to attack"
"What do you call vampires vagina? Cunt Dracula"
"What is the difference between a Ferrari and a boner? I don't have a Ferrari."
"What do you call the sweat on your balls after sex with your cousin? Relative humidity."
"Light beer is like having sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water"
"Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke."
"Why was the old Jewish woman afraid her chauffeur got her pregnant? Because they schlepped together."
"[Best man speech] I HAVE DEFEATED THE OTHER MEN IN THIS WEDDING PARTY TO EMERGE AS THE BEST, THE MICROPHONE SHALL BE MINE FOOLISH MORTALS!"
"*pulls home cooked meal out of oven* *family awkwardly stares at me* Yup, this is definitely not my house."