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Joke of the Day

"What starts with ""p,"" ends with ""s,"" and is really long? Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis"

"My teacher reminds me of history She's always repeating herself !"

"It's cool to jump out of bed and realize you are already dressed to run to Walmart"

"[throws dirty diaper away] - OMG WHAT R U DOING?! - it's gross im not touching that - GET THE BABY OUT OF THE TRASH & CHANGE IT! - ugh, fine"

"[friend consoling me through bad break up] ""You need to eat, Luke. You can't just sit there"" *i start crying more* Karen & I used to eat"

"Susie 1 - Why did Susie fall off the swing? 2 - Because she had no arms 1 - Knock Knock 2 - Who's there? 1 - Not Susie"

"What do you get when you combine mayonnaise and bologne? Bolognese sauce"

"You would not believe how many times Leonardo Da Vinci had to paint the Mona Lisa before he got one where she wasn't blinking"

"Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area."

"Cop: You were speeding. Me: Objection your honor. Cop: I'm not a judge. Me: Permission to approach the bench. Cop: What? Me: Sustained."