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Joke of the Day

"[at wedding] ""I now pronounce you husband and wife."" Couple kisses *yelling from the back row ""AWKWAAAARD"""

"Are one-liners accepted? I immediately stopped telling people I was xenophobic when I realized it doesn't mean ""afraid of xenomorphs""."

"How can you tell if a post on r/Jokes is unoriginal? It makes the front page."

"I'm sorry I punched you when you said ""Facebook me"". I thought you said ""Face punch me""."

"I got a new tag on my car On the front of my car, there's a license plate that says ""Dodge."" That's not the manufacturer, it's a suggestion."

"Chris Christie is so fat, he plans on walking for president."

"How do you catch a Pokemon? Dig a hole and put Ash Ketchum in it. Then when a Pokemon comes by, run up and kick it in the Ash-hole."

"Failed my biology test today: They asked, ""What is commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" wasn't the correct answer."

"Just locked eyes with a four year old boy while I violently choked on a piece of popcorn. He didn't look away. He would have watched me die."

"How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? Seriously, I gotta figure out how many slaves I need to buy"