39793

Joke of the Day

"Cop: Sir, can you step outside please? Me: Sir? Awww! You are SO polite! Cop: Excuse me? Me: Now you're just showing off."

"Jesus saves But Moses invests"

"Have you seen the bus website? Yes - it's just the ticket!"

"Why is Reggae so popular in Utah right now? Because it was popular in California 10 years ago."

"What is the scientific measurement for moistness? Digits..."

"A guy walks in a library and sees a chunky chick in his favorite spot Guy: Hey I'm Drew, whats your name? Girl: Paige Guy: Paige huh? Well...you look like a whole fuckin book!"

"What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin? They became flatman and ribbon. /u/realhermit has left the building."

"You can read his mind in his face. Yes it's usually a complete blank."

"A man goes to Macy's to buy a sweater. He swipes his card but it didn't register. The cashier asks him to try his card again and the man replies, ""I already did and it fits great!"""

"Wife: I'll just have a salad. Waiter: and for you, sir? Me: I'll be giving her half of my food."