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Joke of the Day

"Lost my wristwatch at a party once. A guy stepped on it while sexually harassing a girl. I punched him straight in the chin, knocking him out. Nobody does that to a girl, not on my watch."

"What is yellow and cant swim? An excavator. Why? It only has one arm."

"I feel bad for that caveman who invented the wheel because you know his mother-in-law was all ""She shoulda married Grog. He invented fire"""

"My wife walked out on me, telling me it was over. I just sat there eating my popcorn, watching the end credits."

"I dropped my cat in the bathtub once... It was the only time i got a pussy wet."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a Lightbulb? **One.** **Germans are very efficient and not very funny.** *Source: My co-worker.* *I'm German and I approve this message.*"

"*police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a Princess Leia costume* ""HIDE THIS NO TIME TO EXPLAIN"" *throws bag of cinnamon buns at me*"

"Wife: He's always lying about his celebrity connections.. Therapist: Is this true? Me: Just wait til Sonic The Hedgehog hears this bullshit."

"Q. What is the color of the wind? A. Blew."

"What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator"