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Joke of the Day

"Wrote this while waiting for a burrito in 2009 What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony? One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it."

"What's brown and hides in the attic? The diarrhea of Anne Frank"

"Healthcare Costs in America"

"What do cows do for fun? They go to the mooooo-vies."

"I like my coffee like I like my women From Kenya and tastes like warm diarrhea."

"Knock knock, interrupting cat (warning, do NOT tell joke in busy public areas) Knock knock Who's there? Interrupting cat Interrupting ca... MMEEAAOOWW"

"Look, I'm not running a charity here, and if I was I'd be too busy embezzling money to help people."

"I like Kanye West as much as the next guy... ...as long as the next guy isn't Kanye West."

"Ants can lift something 50 times their body weight. Wow. That means you can lift a leaf. Cool. I could do that when I was 14. Tiny idiots."

"The best thing to do with Christmas lights that don't work is put them back in the attic so they can frustrate you again next year."