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Joke of the Day

"And Jesus said, ""Come forth and receive everlasting life...."" But John came fifth, and only received a toaster oven."

"I only have a beard so I can scratch it while I judge."

"Turns out, pounding a wooden stake through a vampire's heart works even if a guy is not a vampire."

"What is a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir/Ma'am We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons: Illegal Downloading"

"Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo? A: Write 'pp espressivo'."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter in the alphabet? Everyone thinks it's R but it's the C they love."

"What did the monkey say when he was throwing his feces? This shit is bananas!"

"What is the opposite of Polygamy? > What is the opposite of Polygamy? Monotony"

"It was awkward when she said, ""And yet your feet are so big."""

"*guy looks around to see if anyone is looking* *sees the coast is clear, licks tree* And that's how they found out about maple syrup"