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Joke of the Day

"[pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral] alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow."

"I like my women how I like my lightbulbs... ...not too bright, easy to turn on, and hanging in my basement by a wire."

"What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair black? Artificial intelligence."

"*throws back out* Back: Let me back in baby, I can change."

"Relationships are a lot like algebra Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?"

"They say ""once you go black, you never go back,"" but.. If it's Hispanic, you know it's *gigantic!*"

"In the past, U.S.A. has had for president..... Bush senior, Bush junior and now Bush groper."

"Father's Day is a great time to give your father a tie so he can look extra nice at the job he settled for because you were born."

"So quick to claim someone on your taxes yet so slow to make them a snack."

"I was thinking of taking the cross product of force and distance, ... ... but that's so much work."