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Joke of the Day

"If you are Russian when you go in the bathroom and Finnish when you come out, what are you in the bathroom? European (your a peeing)"

"Joke of the day Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!"

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, Teach a man to phish and he'll empty an old woman's savings account."

"If yesterday was May the Fourth be with you... I guess today is the revenge of the fifth"

"What has four hairy legs and likes to fuck my sister? My dad and I."

"Thanks to advertisements I know I need to help the diseased, the pregnant and those dying of cancer... And then have a smoke."

"Just remember ...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."

"I honestly can't believe they've been together for 20 years. who? Deez nuts GOTEEEEEE I'm actually 45.... GOTEEEEEE"

"How do you figure out that your girlfriend is getting too fat? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes."

"What is a relationship? It's the one that always sinks...."