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Joke of the Day

"I didn't get my period this month or any month prior to that. If I'm pregnant my parents will flip. Also science, science will also flip."

"What I was supposed to teach my kid before kindergarten: 1) phonics 2) writing 3) math What I actually taught her: 1) the dance to Thriller"

"If I walk you home and kiss you goodnight, a simple thank you will suffice. None of this calling the cops crap."

"I want you to fu.. this rusty pipe . FTW ??"

"I will not kill my coworkers I will not kill my coworkers I will not.... Maybe just one..."

"Wait til the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald's find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want."

"Admit it, you smiled. What do frogs do when they are depressed? They Kermit suicide."

"Do you know how to really disappoint a fellow redditor? [Repost] [Deleted] *repost*"

"We're gonna party like its 1999. //breaks out Nokia flip phone and starts to panick about Y2K//"

"What's a man idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs so you can vacuum."