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Joke of the Day

"jokes jokes What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 45 pounds. What's the differece between a husband and a boyfriend? 45 minutes"

"Sometimes I really miss you (my ex)... Then I remember I have a hand and the internet."

"You can't compare Tim Cook and Donald Trump It's like comparing apples to oranges."

"*Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar."

"Pssst! I'm voting. Does anyone know the answer to #4? And who do I show my tits for extra credit? That old lady doesn't look interested."

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that Subway is healthy."

"The rodents in my home are so damn big, they step in the glue traps and wear them like flip-flops around the house."

"Here in Britain, we've got May & Hammond in the Government now - All we need is Clarkson and we've got Top Gear back again."

"How do you make someone holy? You beat the hell out of them."

"What animals were last to leave the ark ? The elephants as they had to pack their trunks !"