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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I punched you in the face when you said ""I love you"". Intimacy scares me. And you said it to my sister."

"The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location."

"Ever been so tired at work that people thought you were drunk? I hope so because that's the only excuse I have for being drunk at work."

"Business was great last year. I made 6 figures. $2,784.93"

"Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves."

"What's the difference between men and women when it comes to drinking? My boys drive me to drink, but women drive me to drink."

"I'm technically 5'11"" but whenever people ask I just say I'm 6'0"". I do it for the same reason I tell people I have a four inch penis - what's an extra inch, anyway?"

"My friend told me that he was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I bought him a snickers"

"Old enough -Mom I'm finally 15, can I have a boyfriend? -No. -Can I use high Heels? -No. -Can I use a mini skirt? -No. -But why? -Because you're a man, Bob."

"What is the painless frequency? 0 Hz"