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Joke of the Day

"When asking a girl out it's important to show you respect her. Try writing your number on a Tubman Twenty so she knows your a feminist."

"My previous relationship was like a presidential term. It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office!"

"Why did the blonde snort splenda? She thought it was diet coke."

"My wife and I have the cutest nicknames for each other. She is my buttercup and i'm her useless sack of s hit."

"What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness? ...knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing?"

"Why did the disorganized suicide bomber's friends not like him? He was all over the place."

"Men are great masochists After all, they spend most of the teen years beating themselves while looking for someone to do it for them"

"Just realized that I'm finally too fat to do things during summer."

"I'm getting old, The only way I can screw a woman... Is to borrow money from her and not pay her back. (Credit given to my friend. i'm not that clever.)"

"Last night a burglar broke into my house but I quickly popped open a bag of potato chips & hid in all that free space."