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Joke of the Day

"I can produce silver just by sniffing. Smelt it with my own nose. **I'll show myself out**"

"There was a black out last night. Don't worry, we got him."

"Why did the hipster burn himself while eating pizza? Because he ate it before it was cool."

"My mom always has these great sayings for life, like ""Don't count your chickens before they hatch"" and ""Everybody hates you."""

"Oh boy, I am desperate! My bowels do churn. Too many tacos! I never will learn. Pardon me, Sir! I believe it's my turn. - Horton Has to Poo"

"Guy goes to his psychotherapist wearing nothing but some transparent underpants the doctor says, ""I can clearly see your nuts"""

"When is a door not a door? When it's ajar!"

"What do you call a mexican midget? a paragraph, because he's too short to be an essay."

"Every girl on Tumblr smells like Chapstick and cats."

"Deli meats I knew a guy who was addicted to deli meats. He just couldn't quit cold turkey."