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Joke of the Day

"I found my first gray pube the other day. It was in a kebab."

"How does an Argentinean commit suicide? He climbs up on his ego and then jumps off."

"My aunt used to say ""slow and steady wins the race"" she died in a fire"

"I want to work in salon.. So I can get paid to give facials"

"Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people."

"My 4yo brought his Woody doll to the store and was swinging it around. I told him loudly to stop hitting people with his Woody. Parenting."

"What kind of money do they use on superman's home planet? Kryptocurrency"

"In June of last year, a beautiful woman on the subway saw me yawn & then she yawned. So I think we can cool it with the ""virgin"" talk."

"What does the fan of a shitty rock band, which canceled a gig in his city, say? ""I want my Nickel back!"""

"I accidentally touched my dogs balls and now I feel awkward around him. We haven't made eye contact in over 4 hours."