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Joke of the Day

"[does jerk off motion for 2 hours] and that concludes the hearing impaired translation of the presidential debate. all of them. god bless"

"Why can't watermelons get married? Because they cantaloupe!"

"Why is there no pain relief in the jungle? Cos the Parrots-Eat-Em-All"

"I bought a My Little Pony T-shirt the other day. Because sometimes I just don't want anyone to approach me for any reason at all."

"What do you call a horse that's thinking of home? Mentally in-stable."

"Why did Sally cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt"

"You ever pump your gas slowly on purpose so no one realizes you only had $3 on you"

"What do you call a drunk executioner? A dun-GIN keeper. Edit: You have my permission to post this on r/dadjokes"

"How do you fit 4 gay men on a barstool? Flip it over."

"Ignorant person: ""You're Canadian. You live in igloos, right?"" Me: ""You're American. You live in McDonalds', Right?"