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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: I don't even know what's wrong with me. *sighs Me: Oo Oooo pick me pick me I know *raises hand with answer"

"Why did Tigger look down the toilet? To find Pooh!"

"Mistletoe is my favorite Christmas tradition that sounds like a cool as shit superpower."

"shoutout to all the objects in my perceptual field. u know who u are ;)"

"Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn't fancy the stake."

"No wonder I'm waiting for my Prince His white horse has ended up in the lasagna"

"Perfect one night stand: Amish person. No internet access. No phones. In the heat of passion they'll whisper the secret to apple butter."

"If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it."

"I'm converting to Islam for my haram bae"

"If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they break into your home is smash your family pictures."