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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally made my Christian Mingle username 'Voldemort69' again"

"What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common? In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier."

"What do you call a fake friend? a faux!"

"I want to open a clock shop... The commercials will say: ""I sell some of the finest wrist timepieces around. Don't believe me? Just watch."""

"Whats green, has six legs and if it falls from a tree it will kill you? A snooker table"

"Princess Dianna had dandruff They found her head and shoulders in the glovebox."

"I've been working on a new type of martial arts that involves the taking of money from Hispanics. TakeJuan'sdough."

"I like watching children run around at the park. They don't realize I'm using blanks."

"I've just de-flowered a virgin. I mugged a Pokemon Go player coming out of a florists."

"Why are titties like toy trains? They are meant for children but daddy likes to play with them, too."