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Joke of the Day

"I wonder how many husbands out there are frantically scribbling ""free hug coupons"" right now because they forget to get their wife a gift."

"I'm suffering from a more rare kind of stomach ache. It's called Indiegestion, I doubt you've heard of it before."

"""Haha totally man"" - me, after failing to understand someone for a third time."

"Always carry $100,000 cash on you at all times in case you ever feel like getting a sandwich from an airport."

"There's no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do."

"waiter: ""what drink would you like"" me: "" l "" waiter: me: waiter: me: waiter: me: waiter: ""is pepsi okay"""

"Flying today and asking myself a question I used to save for first dates: Should I let them see me naked or just feel me up?"

"Donald Trump has just announced his candidacy for president Sorry for putting the punchline in the title."

"If a lion ever bites off your arm, try to chew some of his hair off before you run away. He deserves to look stupid until it grows back."

"What do you call an article written about a dead astronaut? An *orbit*-tuary!"