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Joke of the Day

"A young pirate asks his old sea dog captain... .. why he wears a patch over one eye. The captain replies, ""Yarr, my parrot shat in me eye... And I wasn't used to me hook"""

"A teacher is always just one loud fart away from losing control of a classroom."

"People who make you feel special are keepers. Anyone with such good taste has to be admired."

"A talking penguin walked into a bar and the bartender said: ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" And the penguin responded: ""Why do you have a drink named Bill?"""

"I can only handle so much of a screaming kid on a long car ride before I pull over, take them off the roof, and let them back in."

"I like my games like I like my women cheap and used"

"Dudes don't like it when you ask if their salmon-colored pants are wild or farm-raised"

"50 SHADES OF CHARLES HUNNAM Its been reported that actor Charles Hunnam has dropped out of the movie,""50 Shades of Grey"" because of cold feet. You can't blame him, cold feet can lead to shrinkage"

"To determine a rabbit's sex from afar, try sneaking up on them and shouting: if he runs, it's a boy. If *she* runs, it's a girl."

"I never wish death upon anybody who wrongs me. I wish sudden, explosive diarrhea while on a date Much more satisfying."