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Joke of the Day

"""How did you get those scars?"" [Flashback to me running into a glass door] They're from Cage fighting."

"Why do deaf women wear tight jeans? So you can read their lips."

"What did Dave Grohl say when he dropped his Greek sandwich? There goes my gyro"

"Don't be nervous if someone is driving ahead of you- the world is round, just think that you're driving first!"

"Doctor: you gotta cut back on the drinking Me: but why? D:*lifts up x-ray* says here your liver has officially been sponsored by Grey Goose"

"If you have Parkinson's disease... ...that means you stutter in sign language."

"[2 dogs eating dinner] ""u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great"" [stops chewing] ""why does this taste like chocolate"""

"Dicks are like LAYS potato chips... No one ever sucks JUST ONE!!"

"Reasons why it's bad that Justin Bieber is retiring: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5."

"Why did the ghost cross the road to get to the ""Other Side""."