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Joke of the Day

"Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend"

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"I've got a new job in a biscuit factory. So far I've made a packet."
"Never trust anyone under 30 lbs. Especially when it comes to driving directions. Babies are liars."
"There were two fish in a tank... one turns to the other and says ""do you know how to drive this thing?"""
"My husband is playing Super Mario Bros with our sons and one of them is having a MAJOR tantrum. Sadly, it's my husband."
"I went to www.match.com Better luck on www.ancestry.com"
"I love Honest Abe. Do you want to hear my favourite quote from him? ""My head hurts."""
"Have you heard about the kidnapper? He's really got away with kids."
"Sometimes I think I want to have a baby but then I wake up the next morning still holding my beer and I think maybe not"
"Safety first. Just kidding, coffee first. Safety's like third or fourth."