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Joke of the Day

"I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you're going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people."

"Would've totally banged this chick at the bar, but I noticed she had a crooked pinkie toe. Better luck with someone without standards,babe."

"What do you call two men hanging from a window sill? Kurt and Rod"

"[wakes up from coma I went into in 1908] so how many more World Series titles have the Cubs won?"

"Just texted ""I still love you"" to about 50 random phone numbers."

"My girlfriend thinks that I can't cook, but as soon as I figure out how much Play-Doh is supposed to go in meatloaf, I'll prove her wrong."

"What happens to a laffy taffy joke in the rain? It makes me laugh a little bit, in the rain."

"*Puts down phone* OH MY GOD I HAVE ANOTHER HAND!"

"They should give the girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor a cat."

"Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying. ""If you build it...they will come""?"