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Joke of the Day
"Yo mama so fat I slap her booty before she goes to work. When she comes home, it still wiggles."
Next Joke
"[Shipwreck Diary] Day 29: worried I'm losing track of time Day 4: nope. I'm fine"
"An honest weatherman says ""Today's forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I'm wrong."""
"Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook."
"Found out the name of my neighbor's cat. In other news, I now have free internet."
"No YOU let your kid think he could turn the traffic lights green with his mind powers until he was 10 yrs old!"
"Really sucks for those addicted to Apple products... ...now there is no *escape*"
"*unrolls blueprints of a dick* no no no this part has got to go. dont know what this does... gone. lets put a ruby here. in the shaft"
"[Michael Cera running a slice of toast under the cold tap to soften up the sharp edges before eating it]"
"Why do we say dogs are man's best friend? Why not say dogs are man's and woman's best friend? Because diamonds are a woman's best friend."