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Joke of the Day

"TERRIBLE INVENTION PITCH: decaf Red Bull"

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"Due to steroids, women assume a guy with huge muscles has shriveled testicles. That's why I stay out of shape. The ladies know I'm packing."
"Kids, I can't tell you how much I enjoy sweating for an hr in the kitchen each day, just to see your little ""what the fuck is this"" faces"
"Why are gay prostitutes so expensive in China? Because there aren't any free erections."
"Where does a North Korean go after he upvotes a thread on Reddit? To the morgue."
"I asked Sean Connery what game he was going to play with Roger Federer tomorrow and what time he was going to go He replied: ""Tennish"""
"If God had wanted us to drink in moderation he wouldn't have put wine in barrels. #inspiration"
"What did one guy at a gay bar say to the other guy? Can I push your stool in? I just wanted to note that my ten year old brother told me this joke.ಠ\_ಠ"
"Maybe it's just the mushrooms talking, but I should probably write down everything they say."
"[creation] GOD: Gather round creatures & I'll tell you what you'll eat ANTEATER: I'm SO excited! DUNG BEETLE: I got a bad feeling about this"