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Joke of the Day

"Why is it customary to drink 8 mojitos a day in Cuba? It's the Hemming way."

"donald trump's immigration policy If he doesn't use #Mexit when describing his immigration policy it will be a missed opportunity."

"JOSH: Hey dad DAD: Oh my god is your name still Josh JOSH: Um yeah DAD: We're changing it JOSH: No please don- DAD: It's done ERIC: What the"

"I'm starting to think people are having babies solely for the Facebook likes."

"Reading a Chinese newspaper is like looking at 1,000 douchebag tattoos at once."

"I reached my goal of shedding 137 pounds this week It's nice being single again"

"WAITER: can i take your order? HER: *looks at lobster tank* i'll take that one ME: *looks out window* i'll take that pigeon"

"Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It's an absolute mystery as to why though. The plot thickens..."

"Q: Why did the sheriff arrest the tree? A: Because its leaves rustled."

"[being strapped to a medieval torture table] ""tbh not what I thought you meant when you said you were going to show me a nice rack"""