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Joke of the Day
"My favorite endangered species is the black NASCAR fan."
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer? He got a little behind in his deliveries."
"Seize the day! *Sees the day, goes back to bed*"
"Why do cannibal children go to the hospital? Because their mothers told them to eat their vegetables."
"Three men of different ethnicities walk into a bar. The first two say something smart. The third completely embarrasses his countrymen by saying something stupid."
"A magnet walked into a bar. It stuck."
"I stole a futon from a shop. I think the police are after me, so I have been lying low."
"So I decided to finally try one of those vegan stores It might have been the single most disappointing experience of my life they didn't have a single vegan for me to purchase"
"[restaurant] WAITER: And to drink? ME: I'll have a coke and a pepsi. WAITER: Is pep...um...Is cok...ok...Is...I...what.. *waiter spontaneously combusts*"
"ME: On the one hand, I have this weird rash. And on the other hand DATE: ?? ME: It's on both hands, I should probably see a doctor"