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Joke of the Day

"I caught a friend betting on a hospitalized children's limbo contest... When I confronted him, I asked, ""HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?"""

"Remember girls, you can't say happiness... without saying penis"

"Cops would catch more drunk drivers if they just stood outside with signs that say HONK IF YOU'RE WASTED!"

"They say if you love something you should let it go... So why am I going to jail for leaving my kid in Walmart?"

"Spell check changed ""important"" to ""impotent"" so basically I have a meeting in the morning that can't get it up."

"I just realized that no matter what it says on my tombstone I'm going to have to read it upside down."

"The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I'm joking."

"Why did Davy Crockett always wear a coonskin cap? It was a birthday present from his wife!"

"What do you name a deaf dog? It doesn't matter, he ain't coming anyways."

"If you mention ""leg day"" on a first date we will not be going on a second date"