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Joke of the Day

"For some reason, my girlfriend hates it when I use her toothbrush So does anyone know a better way to get dog shit out of sneakers?"

"A 64 years old male tourist swept away in Amazon river, where did he end up? Local Brazilian newspaper..."

"Two cows are standing in a field One cow says ""moooooo"" the other cow says ""fuck! I was just about to say that"""

"I've watched three episodes of ""I Shouldn't Be Alive"" tonight, adding ""outdoor enthusiast and survival expert"" to my online dating profile."

"I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth My parents were into some kinky shit"

"[a dolphin kisses me at sea world] ME: so like what are we"

"""I'm still at the airport, actually."" -A woman next to me on the train just now"

"""THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!"" 2012: omg please no 2016: are we doing this or not"

"News: German diver receives a 0.0 score. Apparently, Olympic judges don't appreciate cannon balls."

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar. Sits down. The bartender comes over and the ham sandwich says: > I'd like a triple of bourbon, neat. Bartender says: > I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."