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Joke of the Day

"Basically if your movie trailer features a close-up of a glass of rippling water I'm assuming that your movie will have dinosaurs."

"[snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?"

"Chuck Norris threw a grenade Chuck Norris threw an grenade and killed 30 people. Then the grenade exploded."

"What does a midwestern farmer and a rapper have in common? They both want to make it rain."

"Ana from Frozen was upset it didn't snow on her Wedding day, but everything has a silver lining because she got 8 inches that night"

"No, I don't want to hang out at your house. Your pot to snacks ratio is all off."

"""Good artists copy. Great artists steal."" \- Me"

"What do lesbian vegetarians eat? Vaggie burgers"

"Your momma is so fat... But I still fucked her."

"If they give you a bib for lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food."