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Joke of the Day

"Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband."

"I hate to call it ""one night stands."" I prefer ""auditions."""

"What is one thing you always get on your birthday? Older"

"Does it mean you have a small dick if you never got a toothy blow job? No it doesn't I'm asking for a friend because I've never got one"

"How does Michael J Fox take his martinis? Shaken. Not stirred"

"*sir mix a lot voice* i like big butts and i'm sad inside"

"Where is the lost city of Atlantis? Lantis. I can't believe nobody has thought to look there yet."

"Someone is yelling! The voice is familiar... How they rave and they rant! Is it Jackman? Or, Laurie? Hefner or Grant? - Horton Hears a Hugh"

"Trump Drops out of the race, and makes America great again."

"Responded to a ""you up"" text at 3AM with ""Let me play with your teeth."" The reply ten minutes later: ""no."" This is already my favorite year."