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Joke of the Day

"As an adult, it's exciting to know that I'll soon be old enough to play a high school student on ABC Family."

"If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at."

"When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness."

"Apple announced a breast implant that plays music... The iTit is considered a major social break through since women have always complained that men stare at their breasts but never listen to them."

"Said she was gonna send a pic of her ""backyard' . Turns out we weren't on the same page"

"Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can't chase you because they're holding scissors. The perfect crime."

"I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly."

"Congratulations on passing your test! You are HIV-positive"

"I always get ""never shake a baby"" and ""cats always land on their feet"" mixed up. Anyways I need a lawyer."

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None- they'd just beat the room for being black."