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Joke of the Day

"My garbage disposal can't even handle this banana and now I'm wondering if I actually have a garbage disposal."

"When's the improper fraction helpline open? 24/7"

"[blind date] So,where you from? [eyes turn black] T h E S E v E n T H C i R C L e O F H e L L Oh nice. ever miss it? [cries blood] Y e s"

"Why did the Pepsi executive get fired? He tested positive for Coke."

"A barbed-wire tattoo on my arm keeps my arm horses from running away"

"Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands in the air. But how would I catch them?"

"He asked why I put my stick figures on my dash, not the bumper. I had to explain that it was an actual photo of my relatives."

"Someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard."

"[OC] Hey, Reddit. Wanna hear a joke about a defective condom? Actually, never mind. You pricks would probably just poke holes in it."

"What do you tell someone who is bad at sign language? You have bad hand writing"