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Joke of the Day

"Det. Chick Pea at your service. What do you call it when a chickpea smashes another chickpea to death. Hummuscide Thank you, I'll let myself out..."

"[Bank] COP: [through megaphone] LET ONE OF THE HOSTAGES GO ROBBER: Okay, who wants out? ME: [spinning on bosses chair] I'm comfortable."

"Donald Trump is the next President but... The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife."

"Rejected names for lumberjacks: -Woodroberts -Treedaves -Logjeffs -Forestbills -Timberjims"

"""Did you watch Big Hero 6?"" ""No, I still haven't seen Big Hero 1-5."""

"Why do scuba divers always fall backwards into the water? If they fell forward they'd still be in the boat."

"how big is Jared fogel's sex drive? bout 5.6TB"

"If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass."

"What do you call a pile of dogs? A ruff terrain."

"Not looking at my phone during dinner will be the most romantic gesture I will make today."