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Joke of the Day

"GOD: Peter, you will be heaven's bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don't want ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he'll make you a dog"

"Mike Tyson fires a nuke at his maths teacher. It was a weapon of math destruction. I'm so sorry."

"If history has taught me anything, it's that the person with the loudest, wettest cough will always sit down beside me in a waiting room."

"I told my son about the bird's and the bee's... And he told me about my wife and the butcher."

"Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage."

"Why do Mexicans eat so many beans? Because they're versatile, a good value, and contain lots of protein you racist fuck."

"Graham has withdrawn from the Republican nomination race. Some people worry that he'll send his voters to Trump. All three of them."

"I feel bad for all of the couples who got married in Vegas last week But at least their love will burn with a firey passion..."

"The best way to show someone you hate them is to serve them food without cheese on it."

"Why is it hard to sell bibles in Germany? Because it's a Nietzsche Market."