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Joke of the Day

"My worst 3 subjects in school we're Math and English."

"The good thing about necrophilia is you don't need to bring flowers. Most of the time they're usually already there. -Goerge Carlin"

"The MI5 are watching every move I make and breath I take... It seems it's a sting operation"

"Me: You've got the same stupid duck face in every picture! Daffy: Erm... :|"

"The day I realized my cursing had gotten out of hand. ... was when I dropped the soap in the prison shower and screamed, ""Fuck me right in the ass!"""

"What do you call a thousand terabytes of child porn? A pedobyte."

"A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel hanging from his crotch. Someone asks ""what is that on you?"" He responds, ""Arrr, I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"""

"How are vegans okay with drinking water? They can't eat meat, but they can just destroy a fish's home for a glass of water?"

"[after raking leaves into a pile on my lawn] ME: ah, perfect. these leaves are all tidy and there is nothing that can change this"

"Why look something up on Google when you can ask the question on Facebook and let everyone know you're an idiot?"